Prayer for the London Marathon 2006

Spare me, O almighty Dogbird, I can take no more. First it was Easter and now it's this. In thy grand filth, Dogbird, spare me, thy Sweetlove, the naffness, the downdumbed yelps and pig-ugly steel railings, the eye-sore OAP cardiac arrests and the stupid, inconsiderate street closures, all in the interest of working-class sport. Have mercy on me in thy great perverted, blue rat-vomit wonder, O Dogbird. O mighty Dogbird, spare me the common, downmarket litter and the despicable, slime-soaked downmarket corporate logos. But most of all - oh, most of all, great Dogbird - rid mine eyes, ears and nose of those hideous, badly-dressed freaks. Ugh... the horror, the horror...

May I, Sweetlove, sleep through all this evil, get totally sloshed and go get some decent doggy action down at the cottage at dusk (after the ball is over).

New Brit war hero for Iraq

Now, boys and girls, I really do love a guy (well, anybody really) in uniform as much as the next dirrrty international poetess, but I don't usually have any time for "our" (or anyone else's) "boys and girls" (or their mourning loved ones) complaining about post-traumatic stress disorder (or whatever) or their missing limbs or anything like that. I even wrote an only very slightly offensive poem on a related theme a year or so ago! It's not as if we have conscription (or the "draft" that those good ole boy US prezzies are so fond of dodgin'). Surely these soldiers know what they're getting into, enjoy the perks (such as they are) for much of the time, and so forth. I digress; to the point of this posting: this ex-RAF doc chappie must be allowed to argue the case for the illegality of the Iraq war in a UK courtroom. So hath Edna spoken, so shall it be dung.

Olympian downdumbing

Britain has had a Department for Culture, Media and Sport since 1992. If the very concept of that weren't downdumbed enough to make you want to retch elitist and intellectual blood, just stick around for the next sentence, dear. Of late, the really-not-at-all-corrupt-and-really-INCREDIBLY-honest-and-hard-done-by Secretary of State Tessa Jowell has started calling herself "the Olympics Minister". I really do think I'd rather eat a ground glass dumpling than stick around for "London 2012", when a load of musclebound, drug-stuffed morons will be running around pointlessly at MY sodding expense.

Thoughts on Guantánamo

I was interested to read here that the British law lord, Lord Steyn (who I believe is an ex-Afrikaaner and thus hardly likely to be to the left of Stalin), stated in a speech yesterday (11/4/06):

As a lawyer brought up to admire American democratic values, I feel compelled to say that Guantánamo Bay is a stain on American justice. Only the present administration of the United States tries to defend the utterly indefensible.

Unfortunately, our prime minister is not prepared to go further than to say that Guantánamo Bay is an understandable anomaly. In its feebleness this response to a flagrant breach of the rule of law, reminiscent of the worst actions of totalitarian states, is shaming for our country.

When I think of Bush and his cronies and then visualise Blair with his head up Bush's bottom, I feel like vomiting and having diarrheoa on our democracy.

My country wrong or wrong.