Friday, April 21, 2006

Edna's quick leak

Dears, Edna has it on the highest authority that Peerage Lotto is in the pipeline at last. The Aristocracy Regeneration Scheme of Excellence (usually simply referred to as ARSE) is still in the select committee stage but, according to Edna’s intimate (and I'm talking Biblical intimate) sources, Tony Blair envisages the creation of at least three new “jackpot peers” a week - a double Rollover will get you a Dukedom and a triple Rollover will get you mucho bouncy-bouncy with any two members of the multitudinous, unwashed lower echelons of the Royal Family.

In related news, Edna proffers yet another of her infamously juicy red-hot tips: Blair has privately scotched rumours that David Beckham’s long-overdue knighthood “for services rendered to naff-voiced little turds” is imminent. David will receive his richly deserved (and not at all underhand, populist or downdumbed) honour in due course - the year before the very next general election, in fact.

While I’m on, I’d better send out a big “Happy Birthday!” and pay tribute to one of the great figures of the Twentieth (or any) Century - a great hero who would (and should) have turned a sprightly 117 just yesterday: schöne Adolf, unser Führer. He gets such bad press in some quarters sometimes (but after all what can you expect from a load of worthless hacks?). And while on the birthday jaunt, our very own beloved old Royal bint turned 80 today, still live and kicking - there really is no justice in the world, but she'll hang on for ever to stop Big Ears and Horseface getting the throne.


Marfit said...

You'll get yeself into some trouble some day. But you are terribly funny and usually right.

Edna Sweetlove said...

Dear Marfit, thank you for your kind little comment (and this time I won't take offence at your rather unwarranted use of the word "usually"). Edna salutes you.

Marfit said...

Edna, please accept my HUMBLEST apologies. I meant always. I truly did mean always. Not usually.