Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Fuck the World Cup and the horse it rode in on

Oh, just fuck those dastardly overpaid underclass players of yobboball, Edna Sweetlove reports. Damn their sodding eyeballs and their entire common oik ilk. Even Germany, hitherto considered one of the globe’s more civilised countries, is unabashedly in thrall to the Ugly Game - I’m led to understand that the World Chav begins there next month. Unholy shit! Without Edna, I can wholeheartedly assure you, dears! I’d rather French an unadorned leper long, hard, deep and wet.
The world’s going down the shagging plughole. Dumbdowning’s now approaching its foulest nadir. Blair, Bush, Brown, Condi… these are our leaders and future leaders. What are we coming to? Every time I go to the theatre or the opera, I find uncouth yobbos in the audience, whooping and whistling after the performance, sounding sickeningly like retarded Texan soldier boys as they blow another Iraqi bystander to kingdom come, or maybe like blood-crazed Israeli heroes as they bravely send a guided missile into an inconveniently sited Palestinian children's home. Pinter wins the Nobel, Motion is poet laureate, Woody hasn’t made a decent film in over a decade. What would Burgess have said? Does anyone give a flying shit? No. OK, the end is nigh anyway. So-called civilisation’s a festering pile of paedo-droppings.
Where is there left now for a self-respecting glamorous poetess to hang out? The US is, of course, a decadent little hellhole - nothing new there then! India and China, the heirs apparent, are vomit-inducing, excremental (big) pigsties - but at least the nosh is good and reasonably priced. Africa has Aids and it's a bit hot. Australia has Australians. Bollocks to it, all that’s left now is the consolation of a damn good horny frolic sesh down at the old dogging cottage, preceded (and followed) by a few more jeroboams of Glenlivet.
After all, tomorrow is another day...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

you are just so very strange. I love the way you right. It sounds beautiful..so...british.

Edna Sweetlove said...

Anonymous, dear, Edna thanks you for your well-intended but misspelled little comment. She simply writes it the way it is and will continue to do so.
xxx

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