Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Edna’s Very Special Question of the Day: "Is the BBC staffed by mentally defective female genitalia?"

Many thanks to "Anonymous" for this intriguing little poser.
Edna's rapid-fire response: you don't need a fucking Peter Snow flowchart or a bleedin' DPhil in PPE to work this one out, dears. So let’s just cut the crap, shall we? Edna, feeling understandably sensitive and martyr-like (as the heroic victim of online censorship over the past few days), has no time to piss about and thus refers you to the latest hilarious BBC yobboball blunder. It paints such a pathetic, hopeless portrait of a so-called First World country's "human development" and the BBC's bungling "cultural" mismanagement that Edna feels little pressing need to debate the Very Special Question of the Day at hand any further. So, Edna's verdict is a resounding "Yes" then.
And there is yet more good news! Down at Edna's local church, the Chapel of the Very-Strict-Total-Immersion-In-Phlegm Baptists, we have been praying hard for something nasty to happen to "The Squad" and its supporters. And THE VENGEFUL LORD has not let us down! Oh no, He has caused another team member to get injured! And He has had two oiks arrested and fined by the kind German beaks for sporting swastika tattoos! And He is currently working on ensuring all footie wounds do not heal too! So your incantations will be appreciated.
My dear friends, until we meet again, why not read Edna's Lovely World Cup Poem?? It's a paean of praise to Ingerland imbeciles.


Marfit said...

What an excellent answer to an excellent question.
Some drunk people passed my house yesterday and informed me that we had won, as if I gave a shit. I felt like saying "There are no flags here, we are making a point, piss off and die in the street somewhere else," but I declined. I don't know whether we won or not but I think they may have been having inebriated delusions.

And you go to church? My oh my. That surprises me greatly, though of course, 'you sit in church, your head bent in reverent prayer, while that CUNT of a vicar keeps rabbiting on...'
I do so adore that poem.

As for something nasty happening to the supporters, I think being smothered by falling flags would be a suitable punishment.


Edna Sweetlove said...

Hello, Marfit, dear. Churchgoin’ Edna tried and tried and tried and tried not to know anything about this yobboball filth. If you shun the newspapers, TV, radio, internet and other forums of potentially common dumbdowning, some white-vanned twat still invariably gets all “Ingerland” on yo’ ass. Apparently, the bar stewards barely scraped through against some stinking, pint-sized, half-starved non-nation we could barely be bothered to colonise back in days of yore. I went to the theatre yesterday and London was crawling (and I do mean literally crawling) with the peasants. As for suitable punishment, there’s always the put-‘em-all-on-a boat-take-‘em-out-to-sea-and-pull-the-damn-plug ploy - an oldy but a goody, I think you’ll find. However, they’re apparently actually giving away free World Cup tickets in Germany, so perhaps one of Osama’s good old boys will be picking some up before too long, dear. Yeeha.

Anonymous said...

Cute boyfriend you've got. Bet he's hung like the proverbial hippo.

Edna Sweetlove said...

They worked. The Phlegm Incantations (sounds like a new Nyman suite!) of the Chapel of the Very-Strict-Total-Immersion-In-Phlegm Baptists worked. "Becks and Rooney disgraced! No downdumbed knighthoods all round!", screamed the trash press. Oiks across the land moped around in sad, pathetic stupors. Amusingly, it took some weeks before those common flags disappeared piecemeal from the ghastly white vans and eldritch council estates.